The tragedy that occurred in Newtown, CT is devastating. As I read about it, the whole thing seemed surreal and it just didn't make sense. Such wickedness. Is it really possible? To even think of the poor families of those people who were brutally killed. Ugh. Makes me sick.
The same day it happened, I ended up taking Owen and Caelum to play at an elementary school playground. The school is right next to Zach's workplace, so it has become a nice place for us to wait for him when we have the car. As we pulled up, I thought, "What am I doing? There could be a crazy copycat killing and here I am BRINGING my children here when they're not even in school yet." Then reason came over me again and I started unloading the boys out of the car. As I did, Owen said, "When I'm big, I'm going to go to school. Like Katie and Emily did when we were in California. When I'm four, I'm going to go to school." We talked about that for a while and it freaked me out to think of him, vulnerable and young, sitting in a class with 25 other kids, completely entrusted to one or two other adults. Yikes. I know it works. I'm the product of a public education and I do hope that one day Owen will get to experience it. However, on 12/14/12, it didn't feel like a great time to picture him in that situation.
But the truth of the matter is, I don't get to decide what happens to my boys. They might die a horrible death at a young age. I will do everything in my power to protect them from any harm that I can, but I will fail. They'll get hurt, be hurt, hurt others, and eventually die. This is the reality of sin. And we're excitedly bringing another child into this situation. Why? Because I know a loving Redeemer who is sovereign over all things. Who creates, sustains, loves, and saves people, even as they sin. So, I can entrust my kids to Him as I am given the gift of caring for them for a while. What a blessing!
There is another tragedy that happened in our country on 12/14. One that no one is talking about. There's no news coverage of the 3,888 other kids who were murdered just as brutally on Friday. Are we really shocked that crazy people are willing to open fire on elementary school kids when there is such little value placed on human life? Adam Lanza shot them. Others choose cutting and vacuuming up the pieces. Pick your poison. Child-sacrifice is alive and well, though the sacrifices aren't to Molech anymore, but Greed, Pride, Fear of Man and Love of Self. "They sacrificed their sons and their daughters to the demons; they
poured out innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom
they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan, and the land was polluted with
blood." Psalm 106:37-38.
It makes me pray all the more fervently, "Come, Lord Jesus, come."
I know, I know. When I'm pregnant I'm a lot more sensitive about abortion. Currently, there's a second little heartbeat in my body, and my hormone levels are off the charts. But my God values human life and I am commanded to as well. Thanks be to God that He chooses to forgive sinners like us who fail daily at obeying His commands. Haven't I murdered in my heart? Haven't I disdained God's creation in how I treat others? Yes. Anathallo's reference of Romans 7:24 and William Carey's epitaph is too appropriate: "Oh wretched worm of a man that I am on thy kind arms I fall. I'm just a man. I'm just a criminal." All because of the Fall and our willfully choosing our way instead of God's, time and time again. Because of the Fall, I find myself sinning each day. Because of the Fall, popping this baby is going to hurt like crazy. Because of the Fall, I know grace:
"No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:3-5
This Advent season brings such hope with it. The amazing truth is that God allowed His son to be the sacrifice for us, the very people choosing to kill and destroy. He knew Christ would be brutally murdered, though completely innocent unlike our children, who are conceived in sin. This was the only way to pay the price for the dark, ugly sin that we see everyday, whether on the news or in our own stupid hearts. And we can rest in the knowledge that Christ's resurrection has made it possible for us to be made clean and enjoy eternity with Him: an eternity without abortion, school shootings, tears or any pain.
"All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:3-5
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Baby!
A few months ago, Zach and I had a talk - the ole "when are we going to have more babies" discussion. It's amazing how long it took us to have it, though I'll grant that we've had a busy six months. When Owen was a little over a year, Zach and I were both ready for another child. After Caelum...well, let's just say we've been biding our time a bit more. My reasons for waiting were quite lame and selfish (coffee! wine! sleep!), while Zach's were more reasonable (not having a support system here yet, getting settled). Anyway, we finally stopped dragging our feet and felt ready to keep this family a-growing.
Fast forward a month, and this girl is feeling prettttty queasy. Since that's my easiest frame of reference when it comes to being pregnant, I took a test. Negative. I don't know if the test was too early or what, but the queasiness came back again and again. I thought I was having a crazy phantom pregnancy symptom (though that was the only one, besides fatigue) but waited two weeks and took another test. Positive!
This was the first time Zach hadn't been right there with me as I was taking the test, so I wanted to do something special to let him know. I was feeding the boys some breakfast and Zach was in the shower, so I quickly grabbed some fabric markers and plain white shirts for the boys. They scribbled on them while they ate pumpkin waffles and then I wrote "I'm a Big Brother" on Owen's and "I'm a Big Brother Too!" on Caelum's. Sure, I'm not very crafty and my handwriting is awful, but it got the message across. When Zach was ready to leave for work, the boys ran to show him their shirts. It was perfect; Zach saw Owen's first and said, "Owen, I like your shirt. You ARE a big brother." Then Zach read Caelum's and looked at me right away, saying, "What? Really?" He was delighted and explained to the boys what their shirts implied.
Owen immediately said, "Really? For real? A baby in your belly? Mommy, you did it! Yay for Mommy!" He is super excited and one of the first things he said was, "I wonder when your baby shower will be?" Owen wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. He says if it's a girl, it will be Esmé Ruth (he's right) and if it's a boy, he likes the name Jonathan. We tried to convey that we didn't want to tell everyone about the baby quite yet. When we made a celebratory stop at Starbucks, he ran up to the counter and said, "We're getting something special because we're celebrating...oh wait, wait, I'm not supposed to say anything." So stinking cute. My favorite Owen reaction to the news was his pep talk for Caelum: "Caelum, now you're going to be a big brother. When the baby comes, it will be very little. You can't drop it. You need to be nice."
As for Caelum, all he got out of all the hoopla this morning was that there was going to be a baby. He also says that he has a baby in his belly. Even though he's still my sweet baby boy, he seems so much older now, just because I know he's got a sibling on the way. Caelum insisted on wearing his Big Brother shirt all day. So now the Target cashier and librarian might have some idea, but no one else knows.
We are excited. We don't know how far along I am since my body is crazy, but I don't think I could be more than five weeks. I might be even less than that, but we'll have to wait and see once I finally make an appointment. I'm estimating that the baby will be due some time in August, so get ready for a long, hot summer.
Congratulations to us. I know a lot of pregnant ladies right now, but I also know quite a few couples who are having a hard time getting pregnant. I want to be tactful in our announcement, but I am absolutely bursting with the news. I feel totally blessed that Zach and I get to be the parents of three (THREE!) kids and covet y'alls prayers for our sweet little one.
Fast forward a month, and this girl is feeling prettttty queasy. Since that's my easiest frame of reference when it comes to being pregnant, I took a test. Negative. I don't know if the test was too early or what, but the queasiness came back again and again. I thought I was having a crazy phantom pregnancy symptom (though that was the only one, besides fatigue) but waited two weeks and took another test. Positive!
This was the first time Zach hadn't been right there with me as I was taking the test, so I wanted to do something special to let him know. I was feeding the boys some breakfast and Zach was in the shower, so I quickly grabbed some fabric markers and plain white shirts for the boys. They scribbled on them while they ate pumpkin waffles and then I wrote "I'm a Big Brother" on Owen's and "I'm a Big Brother Too!" on Caelum's. Sure, I'm not very crafty and my handwriting is awful, but it got the message across. When Zach was ready to leave for work, the boys ran to show him their shirts. It was perfect; Zach saw Owen's first and said, "Owen, I like your shirt. You ARE a big brother." Then Zach read Caelum's and looked at me right away, saying, "What? Really?" He was delighted and explained to the boys what their shirts implied.
Owen immediately said, "Really? For real? A baby in your belly? Mommy, you did it! Yay for Mommy!" He is super excited and one of the first things he said was, "I wonder when your baby shower will be?" Owen wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. He says if it's a girl, it will be Esmé Ruth (he's right) and if it's a boy, he likes the name Jonathan. We tried to convey that we didn't want to tell everyone about the baby quite yet. When we made a celebratory stop at Starbucks, he ran up to the counter and said, "We're getting something special because we're celebrating...oh wait, wait, I'm not supposed to say anything." So stinking cute. My favorite Owen reaction to the news was his pep talk for Caelum: "Caelum, now you're going to be a big brother. When the baby comes, it will be very little. You can't drop it. You need to be nice."
As for Caelum, all he got out of all the hoopla this morning was that there was going to be a baby. He also says that he has a baby in his belly. Even though he's still my sweet baby boy, he seems so much older now, just because I know he's got a sibling on the way. Caelum insisted on wearing his Big Brother shirt all day. So now the Target cashier and librarian might have some idea, but no one else knows.
We are excited. We don't know how far along I am since my body is crazy, but I don't think I could be more than five weeks. I might be even less than that, but we'll have to wait and see once I finally make an appointment. I'm estimating that the baby will be due some time in August, so get ready for a long, hot summer.
Congratulations to us. I know a lot of pregnant ladies right now, but I also know quite a few couples who are having a hard time getting pregnant. I want to be tactful in our announcement, but I am absolutely bursting with the news. I feel totally blessed that Zach and I get to be the parents of three (THREE!) kids and covet y'alls prayers for our sweet little one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)